so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
