"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
