It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
