My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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