I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
