you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
