I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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