he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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