Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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