Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
