meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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