one two three fourrrrnication!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the day after is always just damage control
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
