I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
