It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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