Your tits are I can't wait for
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
