i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
