You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
