i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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