I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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