Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
