hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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