Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
