May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
