You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
