I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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