you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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