It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
