Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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