He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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