Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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