Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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