Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
