Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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