honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
