Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
