You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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