New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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