i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
