how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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