I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
