Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
