I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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