I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
