Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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