Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
3 2 1 whiskey
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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