I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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