My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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