Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
