He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
