Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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