i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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