I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
